I write this from my heart in honor of my brother, Daniel Ray Kirk. I love this man. One of my very favorite people in this world. Let me tell you about him. He was truly one of the nicest people you could ever meet. He would flash that white, friendly smile to people. So gentle and so kind. He was a delivery driver for UPS. The people on his route loved him! Bringing him treats. I would be on the phone with him through his AirPods and hear him greeting people and them talking back. So friendly. He was a hard worker. Working for UPS is no joke! He excelled at it.
He was a family man. His girls were the delight of his heart. He was a very nurturing dad as they were little...tending to them and the needs in the home. As they grew, he loved buying them presents every time he got to see them. He took photos of them and did fun things with them. He adored them, and they adored him back. He loved his family (Mom, Dad, me) and spending time together...holidays, birthdays, vacations, special weekends. It felt the best when we were all together. He was really a big kid at heart. My kids love Uncle Daniel. He was fun! He gave the best fireworks productions and spared no expense in doing so. He loved working on his car. He kept it spotless. He loved music and singing. He loved the worship music at our church. He was a giver. Walking downtown, he was that guy to put money in people's guitars or donation boxes. Last year, he gave me his Apple Watch. He just wanted me to have it. He loved buying presents for people and doing surprises. He always let me hold him really long. We are both huggers. He's one of the very few people in the world that I could hug and hold for a very long time. It wasn't awkward. We were comfortable with each other and comforted each other. Occasionally, I'd sneak in a kiss on the cheek, and he would react as any brother and say, "Ugh!" Lol.
He fought loooong and so, so hard. It's been a journey. Over the last 5-6 years, I have had a front row seat to depression and alcohol addiction, ever so sneakily creeping in. It's hard to know which came first. He said, "You think you're okay and in control, but eventually you're not." Mental. Illness. Is. Real. Daniel would want you to know that. Just because you haven't experienced it, doesn't mean that it's not. I've never had a heart attack, but surely I can imagine how scary and painful that must be! Daniel would want to encourage everyone to have compassion and empathy towards others because you never know what they are dealing with. He certainly lived by this. Even in the midst of some of his most despairing times, he would say, "I really want to help others...I don't want anyone to be in the place that I am." I have seen him help others through the years. God delivered Daniel from alcohol addiction for a whole year, but the depression, physical ailments, and life circumstances still felt unbearable for him.
Let me tell you something I witnessed most recently. Over the last several months, God did an amazing work in Daniel's heart, like nothing I had ever seen. He was devouring Scripture, listening to sermons and worship songs. He couldn't get enough. He joked that he had read more of the Bible in those months than he had in his lifetime combined. (And we grew up in church and Christian school!) He couldn't wait to share what the Lord was teaching him. I've never personally witnessed someone this eager to know God! It was amazing. And I can't tell you how many praise sessions I had alone in my house or car, raising my hands and saying aloud, "Praise the Lord!" and just weeping with joy at what God was doing in Daniel's life. God reminded me this morning that He answered my prayer on this earth!! I witnessed a miracle. Daniel knew, and oh how he KNOWS Jesus. He would REALLY want you to know Him too.
His story did not end as I thought it would. Even as recently as this past Thursday...after going through something hard, he said, "Maybe this can be added to my testimony!" I cannot and will not pretend that the hurt and pain I'm feeling isn't horrible. I miss him already. I would give anything for one of those really long hugs. But I DO NOT grieve without hope. My pastor's wife, who is also one of my dearest friends, said, "Angela! He's not depressed anymore! He didn't wake up with anxiety today! He is so whole and feels so loved and joyful right now." And to that all I can say is, "Praise the Lord."
Daniel wished to raise awareness of mental health issues. Life is precious. Reach out if you are hurting. Reach out to me! Dial 988 to talk to a professional at any time! You are NOT alone. God wants to help you in this lifetime. If you are alive, you are here for a reason. There is HOPE. You might not see it, but you must believe it. "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10
In helping to raise mental health awareness, if you have a close friend or family member struggling...don't' give up! Keep loving them. We tried all the things, but a professional told me that letting them know they are loved is about all you can do. And we did that. To the very end. Be kind to people and show compassion. Jesus wept when He saw His friends weeping. The Bible says love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Daniel, I'm going to miss you so much. I already do. You're a good man. I'm so proud of you. I will see you soon.
Love,
(As he would call me) "Big Sis"
